Why did you zero-in on what, in your opinion, wasn’t ok with another person?
Have you noticed that your definition of beauty varies because it is dependent upon what society… everyone else says is beautiful?
Have you ever thought a particular piece of art, clothing, a face, body, color, was beautiful only to change your mind when no one else thought it was beautiful?
This is what happens when people are other-dependent for their esteem. Their definition of beauty varies because they aren’t okay enough with themselves to have their own opinion of what is beautiful and stick to it. They are other-dependent and so are their opinions.
Here’s some important information… when we aren’t okay with our own beauty we aren’t okay with someone else’s. When we are self-critical, we are critical of others. When we judge ourselves harshly, we judge others harshly.
It all begins with us. So you are telling others a lot about you when you criticize and judge them and you don’t even know it. For those people who have this piece of awareness, it is like having an inside joke or the last laugh. They know something about you that you don’t know they know about you. They know you aren’t okay with yourself and that your criticisms and harsh judgments of them are about you and not them.
When you have self-dependent esteem, you define beauty in terms of your own senses. And your own definition can change, but it is not dependent upon anyone else’s definition.
So here’s a way to begin changing the way you see yourself. Shift your focus to what is pretty about you. Focus on what you DO like about you instead of what you don’t like.
Here’s something to have a little bit of fun with while shifting your focus. Describe yourself and then let a close friend describe you. Write them both down. Do the two descriptions match? If the two descriptions don’t match, why don’t they?
Who’s description best describes you for real? Yours or your friend’s?
