The Great Pretenders all have secrets. Anyone who tries to hide anything about themselves from others becomes an expert at pretending. People who lack self-esteem go to great lengths to hide their self-perceived flaws and faults.
They don’t want others to know about their poor choices, mistakes, and failures. You know what I’m talking about—hiding the things you don’t want anyone to know about you for fear they’ll think you’re weird, won’t like you, won’t want to be around you, or might be disappointed in you. It’s these things you try to keep hidden from others that become your secrets.
As a result of all this pretending, people become as “sick as their secrets.”
What does this mean? It means that pretenders almost always end up feeling bad about themselves because hiding a secret becomes an open wound that festers. The secret is the infection. If you ask some of the greatest pretenders how they are, they will be quick to tell you how great they feel. They believe they have to behave as if they have nothing to hide or they’ll blow their cover. They don’t want to blow their fake façade because they need to look good to others. However, they quite often become emotional train-wrecks on the inside because of their constant effort to look cool on the outside while keeping their secrets hidden from others. It takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to stay on top of their secrets.
People with secrets, whether young or old, fear that if their secrets are revealed to others they will be exposed for who and what they really are.
They generally feel like fakes. They are almost always “looking over their shoulder” in fear of being found out. These secrets contribute to their inability to ever let their guard down, which makes it impossible for them to relax. Anxiety is a common feeling for the great pretenders.
Is there anything you are trying to hide about yourself? Can you identify any of your secrets? Write them all down—don’t leave any out. What are you afraid of? What do you fear other people might find out about you? Be brutally honest with yourself as you make your list.
