Yes, the passing of a great talent has shocked the world. And in its wake, depression has taken a front and center seat in the minds of people everywhere, fueled by the ongoing discussions worldwide. I have another take on the conversation.
Depression. Even though it causes problems, some of which are life threatening, it is not the real problem. Of course, it is certainly no secret that depression affects lives in negative ways, but it is not even close to being the real problem. It is a symptom of the real problem.
Depression exists when we are not happy with who we are.
And contrary to popular belief, the real problem is not even the drugs we take or the alcohol we drink to make ourselves feel better either.
So what in the world is the real problem? The real problem is that we aren’t happy with who we are from the inside out just because we exist. In other words, we don’t have self-esteem even when we might think we do. Most of society has been taught to have other-dependent esteem.
My discovery of other-dependent esteem defies traditional psychology’s notion of self-esteem. What is considered to be self-esteem has nothing to do with self. We are actually teaching other-dependent esteem and wondering why we don’t feel good… wondering why we suffer from depression. When the esteem we have for who we are is dependent upon someone or something outside of ourselves it doesn’t belong to us and it comes and goes.
According to current research, lack of self-esteem is at an all-time high. Addiction to drugs and alcohol is epidemic. Why? Because we have been taught that someone or something outside of ourselves is supposed to make us happy. And most of us have bought into this idea and have become other-dependent.
We have been taught to be dependent upon someone or something outside of ourselves in order to esteem ourselves and this is a recipe for unhappiness. Being dependent upon drugs and alcohol, bag after bag of potato chips, the approval of others, looking good, having all of the right stuff, the right relationship partner, plenty of money, being the best in any given endeavor, and a myriad of other things to make ourselves feel good is the major source of discontent, unhappiness, addiction, depression, anger, rage, violence, criminal behavior, suicide, and much more.
Those who are other-dependent don’t esteem themselves unless someone else esteems them. Because they are other-dependent they are in need of a lot of external bolstering. The problem is there is never enough validation, kudos, applause, fans, Oscars, or accomplishments to last.
And oh yes, we become very good at faking that we are okay and as good as everyone else while secretly thinking there is something wrong with us because we aren’t happy like everyone else seems to be. In fact, the better we are at faking the easier it is to go through life just under the radar pretending to be okay so that others will have a good opinion of us.
Are you someone who is always ‘on’ when around others in order to look good and receive the approval that you need to feel good for a little while? If so, get your free copy of the 1st Chapter of Good With Me and begin to shift your other-dependent esteem to self-dependent esteem by learning to be happy with who you are and experience real long-lasting happiness from the inside out.
