Finding Real Happiness: Don’t Become a Slave to The Four Attachments

The root of suffering is attachment.
—Buddha

People with other-dependent esteem feel good about themselves only when they have approval from others or think they look good to others This need to be liked by others greatly influences the choices they make. In fact, they become controlled by their need for approval in much the same way an alcoholic becomes controlled by alcohol. Poor choices are often the result.

In particular, people with other-dependent esteem become slaves to the Four Attachments:

• the need for approval from others
• the need to look good
• the need to be right
• the need to control outcomes

All four of these attachments are intertwined and each is dependent upon the other; each one is equally important.

Because individuals with other-dependent esteem need constant approval from others, they continually worry about what others think of them. This constant worry causes an enormous amount of stress. This applies not only to physical traits such as body appearance, wardrobe, hair, skin, weight, and height, but also to intangible traits such as being socially acceptable, socially appropriate, worthy, successful, and accomplished. This intense need to look good to others fosters the need to always be right about everything, which leads to the need to be in control of the way things turn out. All of these needs, or attachments, are fueled by other-dependent esteem.