While some poor choices result in the extreme situations of someone “losing it all” as a result of “over the top” destructive behavior, seemingly innocent attempts to fulfill ones other-dependent needs are actually more prevalent.
Both come with a price even though some poor choices made by people with other-dependent needs seem to have no price or consequence at all. Society may actually view some of these poor choices as admirable. Working way too many hours is a good example of satisfying an other-dependent need even though working hard is seen by many as a good choice. How can working hard possibly be the result of an other-dependent need, especially since work is so highly valued in our society?
When the motivation is the need for approval from others, working 24/7 might be considered a small price to pay. Becoming the classic “workaholic” can be seen by many as an admirable choice of behavior because it is a display of good work ethic. This workaholic is outwardly a good provider, is not doing anything wrong, and is often perceived as a “pillar of the community.” He even receives kudos for working so hard. Working 24/7 satisfies his other-dependent needs because he looks good to others and receives plenty of approval to boot. After all, he is working and not irresponsibly drinking beer at the local pub or cheating on the spouse waiting at home.
One could even argue that this type of workaholic doesn’t even feel good. How could working twelve hour days, seven days a week feel good? It satisfies the other-dependent need to look good to others even when work is used as a perfectly reasonable excuse to be absent from unpleasant family obligations, outings, and even vacations. The motivation for this type of workaholic is not only avoidance, but approval from others while doing so.
What about the individual who works 24/7 just to “keep up with the Joneses?” Looking good to others is the other-dependent need of this workaholic. He works hard to make enough money to buy all of the “bells and whistles.” For this workaholic, the “bells and whistles” make him look good to his family, friends, and neighbors. It doesn’t matter that he has no time to enjoy them. It’s all about looking good to others. The motivation for this type of workaholic is looking good, so that others will have a good opinion of him.
