Even though the goal is to escape from unhappiness, no one wants to have an addiction as defined by the dictionary—“physically dependent upon a particular substance; devoted to a particular interest or activity”—to do so.
My definition of addiction is actually the same as my definition for other-dependency: being dependent upon someone or something outside of yourself to make you feel good, or at the very least, feel better now. Everyone who has an addiction is other-dependent. People who are other-dependent often make poor choices in an attempt to feel good. Actually all addictive behaviors are driven by the extreme need to feel good. While an addictive behavior could be one that is easily identifiable such as alcoholism, drug abuse, an eating disorder, compulsive shopping or gambling, it could be any other frequent and habitual activity that has an adverse effect upon you and your life in an attempt to feel good.
Author Anne Wilson Schaef says that we are an addictive society, supported with much evidence. If that’s true, why and how does addiction happen?
You are at risk for becoming dependent upon someone or something outside yourself when you don’t feel good about yourself and when you don’t know how to make yourself feel better right now. Minimal or failed coping skills can lead to poor choices while trying to feel better right now. If your choice of someone or something seems to help you cope, makes you feel better, and does so quickly, it may end up becoming your favored coping method for dealing with life as it comes at you.
When the only way you seem able to make yourself feel better is outside of you, you have become dependent upon those “somethings” or “someones” for the sole purpose of relief. You are other-dependent and have become addicted.
It’s OK. You are in the right place. You can take the first step to feeling good from the inside out by downloading the free chapter of Good With Me below.
