I became aware of a common thread among my clients. It was a lack of self-esteem. No one felt good about themselves ‘just because’.
I began to question why this was so prevalent among almost everyone who came to me for help, no matter what the reason. This lack of self-esteem prompted me to look deeper into my own quest for happiness. It was during this exploration that I discovered other-dependency. I recognized that most of us have been taught to be other-dependent for our happiness. I realized that society is unknowingly promoting other-dependent esteem instead of self-dependent esteem. I was seeing first-hand how being other-dependent is responsible for the majority of our poor choices and addictive behaviors and clearly understood for the first time why traditional forms of treatment weren’t working very well.
If you or someone you know haven’t experienced treatment or rehab, all you have to do is turn on the television to hear about the latest celebrity or politician to go into an expensive rehabilitation program. Then later on you hear about that same well-known personality going back again and again. This kind of rehabilitation doesn’t seem to have much to do with long term success. How could it when the focus of treatment is on a symptom of the real problem and not on the real problem itself?
Our other-dependent society has created a global challenge. According to current research, lack of self-esteem is at an all-time high, addiction to drugs and alcohol is epidemic, and individuals are experiencing more stress than at any other time in history.
I noticed that some individuals pretended to be happy, some pretended to have self-esteem, some even insisted that they had it when it was obvious they did not, and others had given up hope of ever having either one. This led me to the discovery of what I refer to as The four attachments which are the need to look good, the need to be right, the need to control the way things turn out, and worry about the opinions of others. They exist because of the need for approval from others. They are the direct result of other-dependency and the global challenge our society is facing.
I developed a unique treatment by applying what I learned to myself first and then my clients. I focused on the dynamic relationship between thinking, the role of self-dependent esteem versus the role of other-dependent esteem, The Four Attachments™, and their influence on real happiness from the inside out.
My book Good With Me identifies and addresses the real problem: other-dependency. And it provides a blueprint for improving your life and reaching your highest level of potential.
