Much of the foundation that makes it okay to be different, specifically our self-esteem, has been established by the time we are five or six years of age.
Numerous studies indicate that our self-esteem doesn’t change very much by the time we become teenagers. Unfortunately, what these numerous studies don’t understand is that most of us have been taught to have other-dependent esteem instead of self-dependent esteem. These studies pay little, if any, attention to the idea that it is actually our dependency upon what others think of us that doesn’t change very much. Because of this dependency upon what others think about us, especially our peers, it doesn’t feel good to be different. In fact, for most teenagers it’s much too frightening.
As teenagers we are faced with the difficulties created by our dependency upon what others think about us at the very time we are seeking to create our own identity and become independent.
We begin to have our own ideas, often separate and apart from our parents’ ideas about life. We seem to end up in a tug-of-war with the idea that we are still substantially dependent upon our parents. Unfortunately for many of us, the struggle between dependency and the feeling that our parents don’t know what they are talking about or that they are impossible to please, leads us to look for like-minded individuals. We look to our peers to find someone who is different just like us. We look to these peers for support, even when it might not be good for us.
Have you ever admired a particular person or group of people who were different and chose to be different just like them? See if you can identify who that was. What were the results?
