Other-dependent-esteem is derived from other people’s good opinions of you.
It includes the compliments and praise you receive from others, your achievement of certain goals and successes, as well as how they are perceived by others. Others may have a good opinion of you because you are popular, well-liked by everyone, and connected with all of the right people in all of the right places. Others may approve of you because you have plenty of money, a chic or enviable lifestyle, or are the winner of a “gold medal.” You can gain approval from others because of a toned and muscular body, the clothes you wear, your perfect height and weight, looking handsome or beautiful, your clever wit, your intelligence, or just because you are doing a good job, and the list goes on.
We not only interpret the way others respond to us, we interpret the messages we see and hear on television and all other types of advertising media to imply that something is wrong with us if we don’t use their products, wear their garments, drink their beer, drive their cars, act in a certain way, or just plain follow their rules. When we have other-dependent esteem, we are extremely vulnerable to the opinions of others. We allow them to affect the choices we make. We allow them to affect our self-worth. We allow them to affect the way we value ourselves.
Of course, other-dependent esteem can temporarily feel like high self-esteem. When things are going great, you similarly may feel great about yourself. Don’t be fooled into thinking you have self-dependent esteem when the good feelings you have about yourself originate from someone or something outside of yourself. When other-dependent-esteem is the root of your self-esteem, it is transient. This kind of esteem can come and go. That means that any semblance of feeling good about you comes and goes right along with it.
How can you attain real “self-dependent” esteem?
