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March 3, 2015

Self Esteem: You Can’t Tell Me What To Do!

Individuals who are attached to the way everything turns out generally go to great lengths to make their desired outcomes happen. Control and manipulation are often used to make sure they get their way—to make others do what they think others should do and to have everything happen their way.

If necessary, dishonesty can play a part in achieving a desired outcome—their desired outcome. In your attempt to control an outcome, you might not be obvious or malicious. Some examples of this are crying, withholding, pouting, yelling, or lecturing. Controlling could take the form of emotional, verbal, or behavioral coercion.

control-freakPeople who need to have everything turn out the way they think it should and have others do what they think they should are often referred to as “control freaks.” These individuals are constantly trying to control people, places, and/or things. They don’t realize that it is an impossible task, and they keep on trying—doing whatever it takes to accomplish their desired goal.

An individual with self-dependent esteem isn’t afraid to choose what he wants to do with or without your unpleasant consequences.

In other words, he doesn’t give in to your “persuasion.” You don’t always have to agree with him. Therefore, he doesn’t have a need to rebel at your attempt to control him. In contrast, the person who is other-dependent rebels at your attempt to control and will often choose to do just the opposite of what you want them to do, even though they might be hurt by their decision. Whenever they rebel, they are not only saying “you can’t tell me what I can or cannot do,” they are also saying “I’ll show you, I’ll hurt me.”

What do you do when others don’t choose to do what you want them to do? What attempts have you made to control the uncontrollable? Make a list.

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Patricia Noll


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