The need to escape is powerful for individuals who are other-dependent and don’t feel good about themselves. They often feel as though their world is falling apart or are simply waiting for something to go wrong.
This need is equally as powerful for those who feel that life hasn’t turned out the way it was supposed to. It is just as great for those who feel even a little bit bad from time to time. People looking for escape become extremely skilled at creating ways to avoid feeling bad. As a result, people seeking distractions are everywhere. They rely upon something or someone outside of themselves to give them a break from life—even if just for a little while.
It has become quite normal today for many individuals to abuse alcohol because it’s such a quick and easy way to escape. However, some people abuse alcohol and/or drugs for a different reason. It can provide them with a guilt free way to escape their perceived responsibilities and obligations. Being high or intoxicated is a perfect excuse to do nothing for someone who is lazy—it’s a guilt-free way to take a timeout from worrying about what others think about them.
On the other hand there are people who must always be doing something. They just can’t do nothing even when they have nothing to do. For them, their to-do list is a trap and being drunk or high is the only way they can comfortably justify taking a break.
People who value themselves don’t hurt themselves with destructive escape mechanisms and don’t have to make excuses for doing nothing. People who value themselves give themselves permission to relax and do nothing at all. And they give themselves permission to participate in fun, playful, even frivolous activities. One of my clients, George, says, “When you have nothing to do, take the time to do nothing.”
Make no mistake: escape is not fun and fun is not escape. Fun and escape in the same sentence is an oxymoron. The purpose of escape is to get rid of something undesirable. There is nothing fun about having to depend upon something or someone to escape from feeling bad—especially if it makes you numb or puts your life in danger.
