If you are thinking that you don’t allow the opinions of others to influence your choices, I want you to think about all the times you purchased any kind of advertised product.
When we allow someone else to tell us what to do, how to look, what to think, etc., we not only give up who we are to gain approval from others, we put our own identity in jeopardy to get it and end up feeling worse about ourselves as a result. And for many the price of worrying about what others think is more than just the loss of identity. By taking these blows to our identity over and over, we go deeper and deeper into the abyss of other dependent esteem.
The abyss of other-dependent esteem can lead to anxiety, depression, insecurity, envy, fear, more worry that leads to stress, and numerous other misery-making emotions, all of which reinforce the need for even more approval from others.
Unfortunately, approval from others matters so much to some individuals that they lose their own identity by becoming people pleasers. They believe that pleasing others is the only way to get the approval they need, and they will literally do whatever it takes to get it. They will say yes when they really want to say no. And then because they can’t say no, they end up resenting the person doing the asking.
An interesting phenomenon occurs when you don’t own responsibility for taking care of yourself. You end up resenting the very ones you are trying to please, even though you made the choice to say yes. You may even resent them for asking you for yet another favor. You blame them for the fact that you’re doing for them what you don’t want to be doing. You make it their fault that you don’t have any time for you. You become a victim of your own need for approval from others. What you don’t realize is that people have a right to ask for what they want from you and you always have a right to say yes or no.
What is the price you pay for needing approval from others? How often do you say yes when you really want to say no? Make a list. Do you resent others for asking?
