Fitting in and belonging somewhere, somehow, is the goal for people who are afraid to be different.
Individuals who have no real identity of their own find that being part of a group is the perfect fit for them because the group provides them with an identity. The need to fit in and belong is overwhelmingly powerful and important to those who are other-dependent, regardless of gender, age, color, race, culture, or religion.
The types of available groups where one can fit in and belong are unlimited. All you have to do to get in where you fit in is to think like the group. Fitting in, whether it’s joining a sorority or fraternity, a country club, an art club, a martial arts group, an Alcoholics Anonymous group, a biker’s group, a street gang, or a cult, is an important priority for those who are dependent upon the approval and acceptance of others to feel okay.
Fitting in and belonging to a group can be a great source of other-dependent esteem for the group members. The other-dependent esteem provided by the group can feel just like self-dependent esteem. There is a difference though. Other-dependent esteem belongs to the group while self-dependent esteem belongs to you. Other-dependent esteem provided by the group is temporary and will be gone when the group is gone. Self-dependent esteem belongs to you and is yours to keep.
Unfortunately for some, it doesn’t matter what the group stands for or what their values are. They simply take on the identity provided for them by the group and often do so without question.
It doesn’t even matter if it ruins their reputation. Just being a group member and fitting in is enough. Group members will often make the necessary adjustments to fit in even if the adjustments they make go against their own personal values. The need to fit in and belong can be so strong that one’s own personal values are tossed aside and are no longer of any importance.
What have you jeopardized in order to fit in and belong? What consequences have you experienced due to your choice to do whatever it takes to fit in and belong? Write about it.
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