We live in a society that has been taught to be other-dependent in order to feel good. We have been taught that we are as good as our ‘stuff’. We have learned that our value is measured by what we do, what we have, and what or who we know.
We have been taught to compare our accomplishments to others’ accomplishments to determine our worth.
Those who are other-dependent won’t esteem themselves unless someone else esteems them. Because they are other-esteem dependent they are in need of a lot of external bolstering. When people don’t esteem themselves from the inside out there is never enough esteem from the outside in to last for very long. Unfortunately there is no SELF-esteem in that kind of esteem. It is totally other-dependent.
What happens to the individual who doesn’t feel good about him or herself and thinks no one else feels good about him or her either? What happens to the person who doesn’t seem to fit in and belong anywhere? The total lack of both SELF-esteem and OTHER-DEPENDENT esteem provides a perfect breeding ground for the rage and violence that has taken the lives of way too many innocent people in recent days. This includes not only violent acts of terrorism, but violent shooting of school children and their teachers.
Bullies have to change the way they see themselves. When people like who they are and believe they have basic fundamental value, their anger dissipates. They begin to shift from other-dependent esteem to self-dependent esteem. This shift is sorely needed at this time in our society. We cannot create peace in a world of discontent when individuals are not at peace with and within themselves for no reason other than that they exist. People who own self-dependent esteem are able to live life without fear, anger, and limitation. They lose the need to be violent and to hurt others.
Patricia Noll’s Good With Me provides a simple and easy-to-understand exploration and discovery of who you are. Individuals of every age, race and culture who stick to it can learn to think that they are good enough to share in a world of opportunity, responsibility, prosperity, and peace.
People who own self-dependent esteem are able to participate in a celebration of themselves, others, and life.
This has to be addressed if we are ever going to stamp out bullying that presents itself in the form of violence, domestic and otherwise.
