“Me first, you second” is an attitude that few of us were conditioned to believe is okay. Putting ourselves first is frowned upon by many. While taking care of “me first, you second” is completely opposite of what most of us have been taught, there’s more to the concept than you might think.
First of all, many of us put others first because we want them to like us and have a good opinion of us. Others do it because we have been taught it is the only right thing to do. Like me, you may have been taught that you are a better person when you take care of everyone else before yourself.
We are considered virtuous if we take care of everyone else prior to tending to our own needs. Many of us notice that people like us better when we are selfless.
There’s a general misconception in our society that selfishness is bad and that it’s wrong to put yourself before others. Selfishness has a negative connotation. The phrases “it’s all about me” and “looking out for number one” imply that you are conceited, arrogant, or self-centered. They very seldom imply that you are a healthy individual who has self-dependent esteem.
One of my clients, Temple, says, “I live for me. I take care of me first.” We have a right to take good care of ourselves. It is important to give ourselves permission to be selfish. We have to be selfish in order to have selfness. Jacquelyn Small, author of Transformers, writes, “Selfishness is a stepping stone to Self-ness. We cannot give to someone else something we do not ourselves possess. So we must develop a Self in order to give this Self to others.”
To practice healthy selfishness you have to give yourself permission to put yourself first and others second. Discover more about this concept by taking the first step: download the complimentary free chapter of Good With Me!
