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December 7, 2016

How Valuable Are The Opinions Of Others For Your Self Esteem?

How have you contradicted your values and morals just to make sure someone, especially your chosen peer group, has a good opinion of you? What were the results of your choice to do so?

There are even some who seem to have totally given up on approval from others — who will say they don’t care what others think of them. They make it very clear that they have no interest in the opinions of others. They will let you know with no amount of uncertainty that they don’t give a “rat’s patootie” about what people think of them. In reality, this is their roundabout way to elicit a good opinion from others. They assume that others will have a good opinion of them because they don’t care what anyone thinks about them.

On a positive note, asking others for their opinion is not always other-dependent esteem related. People who enjoy self-dependent esteem are not afraid to ask someone else for an opinion. Since no one person knows everything about everything, the individual who has self-dependent esteem is not fearful of having someone find out that they don’t know everything about everything. It doesn’t even occur to them that someone might have a low opinion of them because they don’t know something. They view the opinions of others as helpful in their decision-making process. They don’t fear looking stupid. They actually reach out to others for their opinions because they know how valuable the opinions of others can be. And, they are able to accept what is valuable to their decision-making process and ignore what isn’t.

If you are someone who has given up and doesn’t care what others think about you, be honest with yourself. Is it because you have esteem for yourself, or is it a roundabout way for you to ‘wow’ others into having a good opinion of you?

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Patricia Noll


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