So what does it mean to be other-dependent instead of self-dependent? I am a good example of what it means.
I like almost everyone else have relied upon someone and something outside of myself to make me happy. I thought that being a good little girl would make my parents love me more. It didn’t. I thought that making good grades in school would do it. It didn’t. I thought that having the right girl friends would make others like me better. It didn’t. I thought that playing sports would make me fit in and belong. It didn’t. I thought that sitting first chair in the high school band would make me special. It didn’t. I thought that having the popular boyfriend would make me popular. It didn’t. I thought that marrying into the right family would make me happy. It didn’t. I thought that having children would give me what I was missing. It didn’t.
I thought that having a career position that every man in the company envied would make me feel confident. It didn’t. I thought that being a business owner would make me feel worthy. It didn’t. I thought that having lots of money, a big house, an expensive car, and designer clothes would make me feel like I was as good as everyone else. It didn’t. I thought that drinking alcohol would make me feel better. It didn’t. Nothing seemed to give me what I needed because I didn’t know what I needed. I just wanted to be happy. What was wrong with me?
I didn’t know at the time that I was dependent upon someone or something outside of myself to make me feel good — to make me happy. When I stopped using alcohol to mask my unhappiness and lack of self-confidence, I had two choices. I could be doomed to a life of unhappiness or I could begin a quest to find out what was missing and how to fix it.
Good With Me: A Simple Approach to Real Happiness from the Inside Out is the result of my own personal quest.
