If you are someone who has given up and doesn’t care what others think about you, be honest with yourself. Is it because you have esteem for yourself, or is it a roundabout way for you to ‘wow’ others into having a good opinion of you?
On a positive note, asking others for their opinion is not always other-dependent esteem related. People who enjoy self-dependent esteem are not afraid to ask someone else for an opinion. Since no one person knows everything about everything, the individual who has self-dependent esteem is not fearful of having someone find out that they don’t know everything about everything.
It doesn’t even occur to them that someone might have a low opinion of them because they don’t know something. They view the opinions of others as helpful in their decision-making process. They don’t fear looking stupid. They actually reach out to others for their opinions because they know how valuable the opinions of others can be. And, they are able to accept what is valuable to their decision-making process and ignore what isn’t.
An example of this positive use of others’ opinions is one most of us have probably experienced. Do you remember a time when you were sitting in a classroom and didn’t understand what the instructor had just presented? Did you raise your hand immediately to ask what she meant?
Or were you among the majority who didn’t raise your hand for fear of looking stupid? You might have thought that everyone else probably knew what she meant and you were the only one who didn’t. Right? Do you remember the relief you felt when someone finally did ask the question that you and most of the class wanted to ask but didn’t?
Do you relate to this example? If you do, in what way?
Don’t be held captive to fear. You can make a positive change and it’s so easy to do.