Unhealthy selfishness serves a purpose, but there is a distinction between healthy selfishness and unhealthy selfishness.
While unhealthy selfishness equips us to carry on and thrive, we put ourselves first at the expense of others and are available to no one. For example, those who exhibit traits of unhealthy selfishness may put themselves first and others second by lying to get approval, cheating to get ahead, backstabbing to be liked, arguing to be right, and using a myriad of substances that make them unavailable to others.
Being selfish enough to take good care of you first is equivalent to giving yourself the gift that keeps on giving. To the contrary, people who give to others first often end up being empty and used up with nothing left to give to anyone, even to themselves.
Recount how much time you have left over to take care of yourself when you are busy putting everyone else first. If not much, you are probably feeling resentment toward others. When you sacrifice yourself for others, while not taking care of yourself first, you end up resenting those you are helping. And, it really isn’t their fault. They have a right to ask you for what they want from you; you can’t control that. Even though they might expect you to put them first because that is what you have always done, you are the one making the choice to do so. It is up to you to say no when helping them is hurting you.
Think about the times when you have resented someone you were helping. Have you ever wondered when it would be your turn to be taken care of? Have you thought or said “After all I’ve done for you….?” If so, make a list of those times. When will it be your turn??
