(The Answer) What Is “Other-Dependent Esteem”?

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Thinking that everything is about us often turns into personalizing what others say and do. Personalizing is one of the classic qualities of someone who is other-dependent, and most of the time we don’t even realize what we are doing.

How would you know if you are personalizing what others say and do? Here’s an example of someone personalizing what others say and do. Let’s say you love to walk on the beach. While walking along the water’s edge, you pass a couple of guys who are laughing and glancing in your direction. You start to feel self-conscious and are sure that they are laughing at you. You are wearing the new bikini you just bought for the first time. You begin to worry about how you look. But, didn’t the sales clerk tell you how fabulous you looked? And you believed her!

Now you are feeling unsure. You have no idea how you really look, but are beginning to think that you must look ridiculous. Otherwise, why would these guys be laughing and glancing in your direction? It never occurs to you that someone told a joke, and it was just a fluke that they were looking in your direction. The truth is that they never really noticed you. They were too caught up in their own conversation to pay you any attention. It never computes for you that you are not the center of their world.

Confused about the difference between self-dependent esteem and other-dependent esteem? The answers are here…


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